i thought this was too funny to pass up. its off of the wizards board. a thread called 101 ways to piss off your DM. yes, they are in the thousands now.....
707. Create "Tog, God of Rocks." What is this Tog you ask? Its what i plan to do when the next game starts. Just be a mage and do the following:
Look for a sturdy rock Cast magic aura on it arcane mark it in several languages lableing it "Tog, God of Rocks" Cast Ghost sound, mage hand, dancing lights, and other fun spells on it to make it look neat.
Now you can mage hand it to bounce around in hallways and activate all the traps and **** off rouges. If some goblins or something see it then use ghost sound to make Tog say "OBEY ME FOR I AM GOD OF ROCKS!" or something. If they dont, smack them with the rock! See if you can start a rock cult. And get the other PCs to join. Try to get it a Divine Rank!
Or when you get bored of your trap finding, enemy smacking, rock god, put some exploding runes on it!! "A floating rock with writing? Whats it *BOOM!*"
And have your mage call the rock his second familiar. And if the rock dies, have your PC go into mourning. And then try to find a "Masterwork Rock" or a lump of adamantium and call it "Togthulhu".
850. Multiple Personality Disorder. Create a large number of characters to use. They all must be of the same race and physical description. All of them should (perferrably) be of different classes, stats, and personalities. Number them. Roll to see which personality is the dominate one. Play that character as if they have no memories of anything any of the other personalities have done. Reroll for a different personality at a set interval, random intervals, or for real fun, every failed roll.
851. To be used with #850: Insist that the DM keep track of all personalities' XP seperately from each other. Each personality only gets XP for things that occurred when that personality was active.
852. To be used with #851: Don't tell the DM when you switch personalities, or which personality you switched to.
Well if you know, then this won't take long. It's difficult to explain what the Turks do...