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Post by uriel on Dec 6, 2005 17:08:50 GMT -5
Computers are female...?
The top five reasons computers must be female:
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as
"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it. [/center] Good luck, guys!!! You'll need it... with women
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Post by uriel on Dec 7, 2005 2:36:35 GMT -5
Glossary of PC Messages
I t says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key" (This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\<Directory>...." It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11" It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...." It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...." It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
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Post by uriel on Dec 7, 2005 16:55:08 GMT -5
You are free to post... ;D You don't have to wait for my permition!
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Kain
Monarch of Nosgoth
Patriarch Vampire
Posts: 1,226
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Post by Kain on Dec 9, 2005 0:23:59 GMT -5
Hehe that's some great stuff. I'll have to find some of the computer help desk jokes.
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Post by uriel on Dec 15, 2005 16:41:21 GMT -5
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Post by uriel on Dec 15, 2005 17:05:52 GMT -5
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Post by uriel on Dec 15, 2005 17:10:02 GMT -5
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Post by uriel on Dec 15, 2005 17:26:40 GMT -5
Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
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Kain
Monarch of Nosgoth
Patriarch Vampire
Posts: 1,226
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Post by Kain on Dec 15, 2005 23:41:27 GMT -5
Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
Hehe that's great.
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Reno
Deity
I can't have you do that. No one gets in the way of Reno and the Turks...
Posts: 1,853
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Post by Reno on Dec 16, 2005 2:27:14 GMT -5
Wait, there's no "any" key? But seriously, it wouldn't help me. My computer has Enter, not Return.
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kefkathegreat
Fallen Angel
Make your move and plead the fifth cause you cant plead the first
Posts: 72
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Post by kefkathegreat on Dec 16, 2005 15:27:40 GMT -5
hmm...
**looks around on his keyboard**
NO RETURN KEY!!!! IM LOST FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by uriel on Dec 16, 2005 16:56:49 GMT -5
Well, that was the joke. There is no Return Key written as such on the keyboard/ at least not on mine ;D /. So, even if they change the command from "Press Any key..." to "Press Return key...", it won't do any good because they will receive even more calls with the question "Where is the Return Key? Stop making up keys no keyboard has ",and so on...
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Reno
Deity
I can't have you do that. No one gets in the way of Reno and the Turks...
Posts: 1,853
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Post by Reno on Dec 17, 2005 15:16:14 GMT -5
I know some computers have Return instead of Enter. Or at least, they used to. I never look anymore since it does the same thing anyway.
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Post by uriel on Dec 19, 2005 1:30:50 GMT -5
Only In America
I really do love this country, but...
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
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Post by uriel on Dec 19, 2005 1:33:57 GMT -5
Police Quotes
These are actual police officer quotes collected from numerous people stopped for moving traffic violations.
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."[/color]
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